Love the one you’re with

Yesterday I went out to Westchester to enjoy one of my friend’s suburban backyard pools. It was a perfect day in terms of weather, and her backyard was like a little flowery oasis with perfect-temperature water.

As we floated around the pool, she began to talk about how she’s sad to leave New York and go back to law school because all of her friends (all located here) are going to be doing all of these fun things without her. Yet, in the next breath she talked about her winter term trip to Australia and her class weekend ski trip and her spring break plans. 

Ummm, THAT sounds super fun. Most likely more fun than I will have here. At the very least, more adventurous.

But it’s not necessarily about what you do, it’s who you do it with, she defended. It’s not that going to Atlantic Beach [where a bunch of us are going afters she leaves for school] is amazing. It’s that you’re all doing it together without me.

Touche.

I get it. 

This is actually something I had to learn. You can go across the globe to, say...Argentina, but without the right person or people to share it with, the experience can lose some of its luster. (Don’t get me wrong, I had an AMAZING time when I went to Argentina—even some valuable time alone—but some of my best experiences were when I was doing something exotic WITH people I really enjoyed.)

Some of my favorite nights have been sitting around watching YouTube clips with my best friend. That’s just it. I was with my best friend.

Maybe that’s why this past weekend was so great. It was my first full weekend in New York since before Memorial Day—you may recall the epic Vegas extravaganza weekend that kicked off my summer.

Friday night, one of my best friends from Barnard came over for Shabbat dinner. I had originally hoped to throw a big dinner celebrating my new job and my New York weekend, but so many people were going out of town for their last licks at summer. So it was just the two of us. I cooked. She brought wine and dessert. We ate delicious food, and then sipped Moscato while we caught up. And then...we topped off the night with a viewing of Beauty and the Beast.

I love Disney. I love Disney more with a friend. I love Disney most with a friend who loves Disney and can recite all the lines if the moment arises. It was such a simple evening, but 100 percent enjoyable.

Saturday I slept in and then planned to do some quiet reading on the roof. Not so according to plan, I got invited to the park after I was comfortably settled in my lounge chair. But I hadn’t seen these guys in a while, since I’ve been away every weekend. I packed up and headed to the Great Lawn. 

Even though I read while they played catch, and I ducked some frisbees—they really should learn to aim better—it was great to be around them. Casual, cool, just hanging out. It was so much nicer to be in the aura of a group, laughing and joking about other people in the park (and said terrible aim).

Saturday night, I went to a housewarming party for my friend at his new awesome penthouse apartment on Central Park West. Now before you start thinking all Plaza Hotel on me, calm down. It’s a two story apartment, with exposed brick and lofted spaces and balconies. Awesome by young New Yorker standards; not quite as elegant as Gossip Girl or the Upper East Side. The party had an awesome eclectic vibe; all three guys went to Brandeis, so there was a large Brandeis showing, but one guy used to live in the East Village (bringing some downtown flavor to the Upper West), and another guy just started Columbia Business School (recruiting some of the ethnic, brainy crowd). 

My friends and I turned one of the rooms into a dance party, taking breaks to cool off on the airy balcony (really makes me want a balcony). At the end of the day, it was an apartment party. We were drinking from Red Solo cups, accompanied by a Songza playlist. But it was awesome! We didn’t need a crazy club that night because we were just having fun with each other.

Topping it off with Sunday’s rest and relaxation by the pool, my future-lawyer friend has a point. I would never stop planning random outings or forego the opportunity to do something uniquely New York, but I will say that I have definitely learned the value of the people I choose to do these things with. While I do not negate my earlier post about going it alone, variety is the spice of life. I mean, it’s nice to love what you do, but it’s satisfying to love the ones you’re with.

Decisions, decisions

One of the hardest things for me to do is make a decision. 

Since I was a child, I’ve always struggled with decisions big and small. It took me forever to decide what to order at a restaurant—as if whether to have macaroni and cheese or pasta with marinara was a life or death decision. I waited until April 30 to make my choice for undergrad, as the check was due May 1. (Arguably this was a bigger decision, but I had agonized for months over that one and still it came down to the wire.)

Friends and family would try to help. What do YOU want? they would ask. But I didn’t know. If I could feel what I wanted, and discern that from what others wanted, I would be able to make a decision. But I couldn’t. 

Often, I was trying to please someone else. Or, I was paralyzingly afraid of making a mistake, so it was easier to do what others said.

I have a friend who, during undergrad, made it his mission to help me with decisions. Baby steps, he said. So he would make me decide what flavor ice cream I wanted in a time limit, or force me to choose if I wanted to go out or rent a movie. 

Practicing decisions helped, but I think it was when I went abroad to Argentina and I spent so much time with myself and my own thoughts that I learned to hear my own voice. I learned to hear what I want. Following that voice is another story, but for the first time in my life I felt like I possessed that “gut” everyone was always telling me to listen to.

This past week, a few decisions came up.

Monday night. I was exhausted from yet another weekend away. (Fun, but draining.) I was beginning to lose the fight against the tired and I had woken up with a scratchy throat in the morning. My friend had invited me to join him and his friends at the HBO Bryant Park Film Festival to watch All About Eve (Indiana Jones is their final movie of the summer if you want to catch it today, August 20). 

I had gone to the film festival last year. It’s super fun if you’ve never been (which is why it made the summer bucket list even though I’ve been before). New Yorkers pack the lawn beginning at 5pm. They drink and piacnic until the movie starts at around 8:30pm. I especially love seeing old black and white movies on the big screen; it makes me feel like I’m transported to a different era, before everyone could just watch the movie on their own DVD player.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go, knowing that the movie was so long and I was fighting off sickness. So, I decided to go to the movie and just leave whenever I got too tired. I know this doesn’t sound revolutionary, but it was to me. The idea of leaving before a movie ended, or separate from the people I picnicked with...bizarre. But I did it. Because that is what I wanted. 

Thursday night I drove into New Jersey for my cousin’s engagement party. The plan was to stay in Jersey by the beach after said party and just enjoy a Shabbat with extended family and some downtime. 

My brother, who has been up in New Hampshire all summer working at summerstock, missed the engagement party because he is currently in A Chorus Line. My parents had seen the show during the week. I had sadly accepted the fact that I just wouldn’t be able to make it to this show of my brother’s. It was running only one week. I couldn’t catch a ride with my family to see a weeknight show because of work. I couldn’t get there over the weekend because I was in Jersey with no way to get to Meredith, New Hampshire.

A Chorus Line is such an iconic show, as it is the story of an audition for the chorus of a Broadway show in the 1970s. It so true to life, so deeply moving. Of all the shows my brother was doing this summer it is the one I wanted to see the most and the one it was impossible to get to.

Well, Friday morning my mother (who had been at the party Thursday night) texted me with a proposition. Would I like to ride home with them to Connecticut, take a car, and drive to New Hampshire in time for the 7:30pm show? I had about 15 minutes to decide.

Oh that was so NOT the plan. And my cousin was so excited for me to spend the weekend with her. And I had been looking forward to the beach. And my body was so tired I couldn’t even imagine all of that traveling.

But when I looked ahead to the weekend, and visualized those days, I saw myself in New Hampshire. I saw myself in the audience supporting my brother. So I hopped in the car and began a long day of travel to make it in time to see Joseph in the most important show of his life so far: his first A Chorus Line.

I made it just in time. I had a terrific seat right in front of his spot on the “line.” I cannot even describe how phenomenal he is. The show was amazing and there was a LOT of talent. But to watch my brother do a show he’s dreamed about doing his whole life...it was a gift. 

To watch someone do what they are born to do is a powerful thing. Each time I see him perform, my brother inspires me. And when the cast sang “What I Did For Love” I sobbed in my seat. He does what he does for unbridled love he feels for his craft. I drove 8 hours to get to him because I love my brother. 

My decision was absolutely the right one. I did what I wanted to do, without feeling like I had to follow a plan or live up to the expectations of others. My choice was definitely not a mistake, in fact I changed plans again and instead of driving the leg home to Connecticut on Saturday night, I drove home Sunday morning. 

It felt silly to me to be driving in a car alone when I could watch my brother (and all of my new friends) on stage. Plus, I was having way too much fun spending time with all of the theater kids!

Now I’m home in New York and about ready to pass out. I definitely need my rest, as I start my new job as an Editorial Assistant/Assistant to the Editor-in-Chief of Parents magazine. That was another decision of late: do I stay in my position or do I explore an editorial opportunity? I decided to explore—which really wasn’t a decision—and during the exploration process I had to take an edit test. 

It was while I was completing the tasks for my test that I felt in my gut—yes I have one of those!—that I was doing something that I love. So as I make the move to editorial, I only hope to perform as well as my brother and to continue making choices based on my own logic and my own feelings. 

It was a fantastic weekend, which I only hope foreshadows the coming days. 

If you ever have a problem making a decision, think about what it is you truly want deep down. Don’t think about the pressures of others. Don’t think about expectations. Don’t worry you will make a mistake. In an isolated world, what do you want? What do you see yourself doing?

From what I’ve found, even if you can’t always get what you want...you get what you need.

Just a Spoonful of Laughter Helps the River Raft Go Down

I can’t believe it’s been two and a half weeks since I returned from Israel. It seems like a lifetime away—or just another world. Since being back, I’ve definitely been readjusting to my routine back in the States, but I miss Israel a lot. 

While there are many parts of my experience in Israel I cannot carry over to life across the Atlantic, there are two types of fun that I plan to make a part of everyday life--not just vacation life. Laughter and the Great Outdoors.

Summer may be winding down, but it’s not over yet. While the weather is still warm (and since the Olympics have closed and there won't be anything nearly as good on TV until the Fall), now is the perfect time to spend some time outside. Seriously, I had no idea how much I love the outdoors. I never considered myself outdoors-y, but I think ever since Argentina--when I fed the adventure-seeker in me by hiking mountains and repelling off cliffs, horseback-riding in the snow and climbing glaciers--that I realized that I do enjoy nature. 

Israel reminded me of that. As I said in my last post, I LOVE the northern part of Israel. It's no coincidence that this is the region where we started each day with a hike and rafted down the Jordan River. 

Rafting down the Jordan was my favorite activity on the trip. The River Jordan is by no means a dangerous rapid-filled river of death, but it gets a little rough at parts and the current is fairly strong. Six of us climbed into a raft with lifejackets and two oars/paddles (I feel like if it’s a raft, they qualify as paddles). It took us about five minutes to decide that using said paddles was a terrible idea; there was no way we would be coordinated enough to conquer the current with them and actually guide our raft. We decided instead to focus on ducking the branches and thorns trying to maim us whenever we hit the riverbank, and enjoying our ride.

Try to imagine: six Americans, spinning around in a raft (with absolutely no control) down what you might call a mild river or a violent stream, bashing into a riverbank and immediately diving head first into aid raft so that the thorny bushes drag over our lifejackets instead of skinning us alive. Every few feet we’re screaming “duck!” “branch!” “lift your butt! ROCKS!” Oh the incompetence. It made the ride that much more entertaining.

Every so often we hit a calm stretch and begin to float. We sigh and then the Israelis, chilling on the banks in their lawn chairs, hop in and splash us until we’re soaking wet. Welcome to Israel.

About 30-40 minutes in, we hear a bubbling sound. “Guys what’s that?” Our raft has a hole in it. Yup. It was not our imagination that we were sitting in more river water than normal. By the end of our ride, we are sitting in roughly 10 inches of water. My friend, Justin, finds the side spout where one would pump the raft with water. It is safely beneath our 10-inch waterline. Well, Justin begins to let some air out, “Hey, guys! Jets for our Jacuzzi!” You definitely had to be there, but I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. It was the first point in the trip where I think we stopped trying to impress each other. We let go, literally went with the flow, and laughed really REALLY hard. It was the most fun 2.5 hours of the trip.

I don’t think I’ll be rafting down the Hudson any time soon, but I do think that after enjoying so much time outside, I’m going to maximize my out-of-office time in the outdoors. Since being back, I was lucky enough to make my first trip to the Hamptons for a weekend. I made sure to spend morning until night in the sun—not just sunbathing. I jumped some waves and played a few rounds of beach volleyball with some randoms on the sand. NOTE: I kind of suck at beach volleyball. In fact, I kind of suck at sports (I was just never gifted in anything that involved throwing, catching or hitting a ball – dance, yoga, that’s more my talent area). But, I decided that my embarrassment at my lack of skill was not going to stop me from fooling around and enjoying the sunshine.

Likewise, I left the Hamptons to get back to the Upper West Side for my favorite event of the summer: Color War. A couple of lovely ladies from the UWS organize the day of awesomeness each summer. Last year was my first year participating, and this year was the Fourth Annual Color War. My team dominated—GO RED TEAM!—just like my team did last year (though probably no thanks to me). We spent the day competing in ultimate Frisbee, kickball, dodge ball and a crazy relay race. Just like my day on the Jordan, this day was all about acting like a child and having a blast. In fact, for the Fifth Annual I’m suggesting a massive game of Red Rover. Or maybe Capture the Flag.

As long as summer as here, and hopefully beyond, I’m going to make time to play outside and giggle and act like a kid. I definitely need to laugh more. Half the fun of Birthright are all of the inside jokes. In fact, Justin spent half the trip working on jokes to make us laugh (mostly play-on-words like “Hey guys, is it shwarma-t or is it just me?” Get it? Warm out? Groan-worthy, but funny.) If you check out my Facebook profile, which hasn’t been updated since I made it in 2006, you’ll see that my favorite thing to do in life is laugh. That hasn’t changed; I was simply reminded in Israel.

So here’s to more laughter and more time outside. After all, what’s life if you’re not enjoying it?