Monday, July 30, 2012

Birthright "Israeli" AWESOME


This past Shabbat morning, I had the honor of delivering our congregation’s weekly Israel update since I had just returned from Birthright. Below is the speech I gave. It sparked some interesting discussion. I hope it can instigate some conversation here, too. Not to mention, now you can all know where I was during my blogging hiatus. Please note that the below is my interpretation of the group’s experiences while in Israel, but do not reflect the opinion of the group as a whole.

I just returned from Israel three days ago. I have not yet readjusted. In fact, I would say I have a long way to go. I have not yet come back down to Earth from the overwhelmingly uplifting ten-day experience with which I have been blessed. I have not yet gotten used to being an individual using New York public transportation, instead of being one in a group of 40 young Jews on a chartered tour bus. I don’t know how to eat breakfast alone anymore. I’m not sure how to sit at an office computer from 9AM to 5PM instead of taking in the breathtaking views and feeling the goosebump-inducing spirituality of Israel from 7AM to…3AM. I’ll get back to real life eventually, but it’s hard to let go.

For those of you who don’t know, Birthright is a gift. Literally. Sponsored by private donors, the Israeli government, and the Jewish Federation, it is a ten-day Israel experience gifted to young Jewish adults between the ages of 18 and 26 who have not yet been on a peer trip to Israel. Birthright approves multiple trip “organizers.” No two itineraries between organizers are the exact same. Each organizer adds their own flavor. I chose Mayanot for my trip.

In typical Ruthie fashion, I didn’t choose my program at random, I read up on all of the programs and compared itineraries and descriptions. But five years ago (yes it has been that long), I chose Mayanot because they seemed to have the most hands-on Israeli involvement (including an interactive volunteer project and the addition of Israeli students and soldiers to our group for part of the trip). After applying to Birthright six times (truly I lost track but that’s a solid estimate), I left on a plane with the rest of Mayanot 608 on Sunday, July 15.

We all immediately bonded over the long, long flight on Aerosvit. That’s what you get when you combine bad airplane food with no televisions – a lot to commiserate over. We appropriately renamed our cruddy airline—let your imaginations run wild—and it became our first of several hundred inside jokes on the trip.

Our first destination after landing was Tiberias in the North.

Full disclosure. I have been to Israel once before, but with my family five years ago. We stopped off in the North. Personally, it was not my favorite. Now? I LOVE THE NORTH.

We stayed at our hotel for three nights, so we were parked for a solid period of time. Our first morning we went on a hike through the Gilabun. Stomping through the brush, maneuvering over slippery rocks, it was a great exercise in team-building while we also learned that Israel is not a total desert. I also learned where all the Jewish gentlemen have been hiding, as many of my strapping young Jewish male friends offered their hands and their help in navigating through branches and streams. Seriously, it was like “Ohhh, here they are!”

But anyways.

After our hike, we boarded the bus to Mt. Bental—the site of the former Syrian bunker when this piece of the North was actually Syria. It’s unbelievable to visit a country and stand on land that your army has won. On land that your people have earned. On land that in recent memory had not been yours, but had, in fact, been a strategic viewpoint to more easily aim at you. It was our first taste of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. It was the first moment we learned of the idea of DEFENDING the land of Israel. Not fighting for it, DEFENDING it.

Later that day, because we were so timely (and that was the last day we ever were), we were able to add in a stop to a local Olive Oil Dispensary in Qazrim. Not only did our group hoard olive oil like you’ve never seen in your life, we met with the owner of the dispensary. Avi was a former army commander. Now, he dispenses olive oil; but more than that, he is the sole producer—in the world—of 100% organic olive oil in a 100% sustainable operation. How’s that for an Israel update? Environment. Technology. Food. He’s got it all.

Now briefly: when you press olive oil you are left with olive residue. Olive residue is toxic. When you toss it back to the ground, you poison the land and the water. Avi figured out a purpose for this olive residue: cleaning. He makes anti-acne body wash. He makes anti-bacterial toilet cleaner—all out of olive residue. Avi claims that he has offered this technology (the ability to convert this residue into productive matter) to Jordan and Lebanon and Syria, but they have all refused his help. His philosophy, simple but profound, “You cannot fix yesterday, only tomorrow.” In this vein, he extended the hand of friendship through his product and technology. Even as a man who fought in the IDF and faced bullets from neighboring countries, he held no hate in his heart. He wants to help. He wants to move forward.

I would love to be able to lead you through a day by day account of my trip, but I know you can’t sit here and read all day, so here’s to speeding up.

On Day Two, after some more hiking we visited a kibbutz directly on the border of Lebanon. Directly as in I could reach out and touch the border fence. Our speaker was Aryeh, a 70-year-old Israeli who had emigrated from Detroit, Michigan about 50 years prior. I did not like Aryeh. In fact, I was so angry about Aryeh I cried burning angry tears after I finally escaped the room he spoke in. Aryeh also fought in the IDF. He has lived on this border since he moved to Israel.

Now he may say he holds no hate in his heart, but his words certainly sounded hateful to me.

He spoke of his dislike for his neighbors. He spoke of the barbaric people that are the Arabs. He clearly stated that he was not a warmonger. He did not like to kill. But that when he is threatened, and his country is threatened, he absolutely will shoot a gun without regret. He argued that Islam is a religion that teaches hate and war. He argued that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict is one of religious spite, and not about land at all. These were tough sentiments to hear.

Many of you heard me speak a couple of years ago about my studies of Israel during my undergrad. I was blessed to learn about the start of the conflict back in the 1800s. I learned from both the Israeli and the Arab perspective. The Jewish and the Muslim sides. I believe the conflict, while now a deep ethnic and religious battle, was rooted in a conflict about land.

Bottom line, this man was bitter and angry. He opened up the floor to questions by saying, “I am not here to hear your opinions. I will NOT debate anything I have said with you. If you have a question, fine. I will answer it with the hard truth, but I will not engage in a discussion because nothing you say means anything.” A little abrasive? A little condescending?

What made me so upset, was that I knew that on Day Two many of my friends on my trip didn’t really have much other word to go off of. I didn’t want them to hear his voice as the lone opinion. I didn’t want this man to breed hatred in their hearts. I wanted us all to learn and understand. Many Arabs are hateful, many are not. Many Muslims distort the teaching of their religion into violence. Many do not. This man may have been telling HIS truth, but it was not an ABSOLUTE truth as he claimed.

I believe there are two sides to every story. I think the best way to support Israel is to tell both sides and simply make the better argument.

Fast-forward five days. It was Sunday night. Our speaker, Neil Lazarus, asked us what day of the trip it was. We didn’t know. His response, [insert British accent here] “That means it’s about Day 6 or 7. That’s when Birthright trips have no clue where they are. I swear, the man who created the Birthright itinerary was absolutely a sadistic human being.” We laughed through our Birthright coma.

Neil approaches “the conflict” from an academic perspective. He is brilliant. As he walked us through the situation of the Middle East today (i.e. Tunisia, Libya, Egypt, Syria, Iran), he showed us a video clip. I honestly do not remember in which country this speech was made, or where the rally was held. But I do remember feeling sick to my stomach and crying.

This rally for the Arab Spring (as it is called) called for Muslims to take up their guns and fight. Not against the dictators in their own oppressed governments, but to take up their guns and take back Palestine. To take Jerusalem--out of the hands of the Jews--as their capital. To fight until the death. To kill. To hate.

Next I saw a video clip, basically off of someone’s iPhone, of a missile strike in Gaza. The sirens. The earth shaking. And then I understood why Aryeh, after living across a line in the sand from the Lebanese Hezbollah, is the way he is.

Israelis live in a warzone. It is as simple as that. The good news is that it is quiet right now. The bad news is, that’s just right now.

Six Israeli peers, both active soldiers and students who had finished their IDF service, had joined our trip by this point. We were supposed to have seven, but one was called away to be with his unit to deal with the crisis in Bulgaria where a bus of Israeli tourists had been bombed.

We bombarded our new friends with questions about the army. How does it work? How do you get your assignment? Do you have friends who are combat soldiers? And questions about life. Where is the cool bar to go out? What music do you listen to? You live on a kibbutz? How does that work?

But I think the biggest understanding we gained, was a feel for the enormous swell of pride that each Israeli we met feels for their country. This is something that as Americans, none of us on the trip currently feel about our country of birth. This idea that you believe in the mission of your country, that you love your countryman as your brother, that the Jewish people of the world are really just one big spread out family who deserves a home, was foreign to us.

Yet, this concept is not foreign to all Americans. As prep for our visit to Israel’s largest military cemetery, we watched a movie about the fallen American IDF soldier, Michael Levin whose grave we would visit later that day. A young man so dedicated to Israel, Michael broke into an Israeli government building to enroll in the army. To further prove that the Jews of the world are one big family, I received a shock that morning when I realized that I know Michael’s family. They were my host home at USY International Convention 2005. Michael’s mom was my mom for three days. His sisters my sisters. His home my home. Michael died fighting August 3, 2006.

The idea of fighting a war to sustain the existence of your country—rather than our wars fought outside our land—became very real. We felt Michael and every young soldier’s commitment and pride viscerally.

But of course, we also had a blast. It was not only the people, but the land itself that made 40 young Americans fall in love with Israel. From our hike in the Gilabun, to our hysterical rafting down the Jordan River; from our meandering through Tzfat, to our Kabbalat Shabbat at the Kotel; from our wave-jumping at the beach in Tel Aviv to our trek through Jerusalem’s Hezekiah tunnels; from Masada to the Dead Sea, we learned firsthand the beauty of Israel. We fell head over heels.

When we visited Independence Hall in Tel Aviv and listened to David Ben Gurion declare the State of Israel, we had tears in our eyes and when we rode camels through the desert we had smiles on our faces. We challenged each other in discussions about how to prioritize Jewish values to pass on to the next generation. We stared in awe at the graves in Mt Herzel.

And after all of this, after ten days that felt more like ten months, it was time to wrap up and say goodbye. During our closing ceremonies, we all had to pick a highlight of the trip and declare something non-material that we were taking home with us from Israel.

It was in this moment that I realized that Birthright is going to save the Jewish people. Kids that came with little religion, kids who questioned G-d, kids who felt no connection to their ancestry or the land of Israel all declared that they felt like they had a home in Israel—that they are now proud to be Jews. And after struggling in the past few years with my Jewish identity, I felt I was able to reconnect with the help of my Birthright staff and peers.

My love for Israel, my understanding and compassion for my people, grew on this trip. The last time I visited I thought to myself, “This is a beautiful place, but I could never leave home to move here.” Now, I completely understand why friends of mine move to Israel. I understand the desire. They are moving home. It’s not out of the question for me anymore.

The last time I was home in CT, Gail Weinstein’s Israel update was about numbers and the Jewish population around the world. After hearing those numbers, I wanted to cry. I worried that the Jewish people would evaporate. But I can guarantee, that as long as we send my generation and the coming generations to Israel—particularly on Birthright—that we will flood the world with our culture and love.

If you know of any young Jewish young person, whether they identify as such or not, you must tell them to go on Birthright. This will be your contribution to Israel and the Jewish people of tomorrow.

Shabbat Shalom.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

On a jet plane

for Birthright I am finally on the plane to Israel. I am sitting next to a woman who looks like yaya. I will blog if I can but get ready for stories upon my return.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Dancing through life

This past week was completely packed. While looking back on it and trying to draw connections I realized that the last seven days had two major things in common: expectations and dancing.

July 4, as we all know, landed on a Wednesday and I was hell bent on making my bonus day count. I began frantically emailing friends about their plans for the day. To no avail, it was the night before and things were still up in the air. There were options. I would see people and spend time with people. I had to let go of a BIG plan. Who cares about a BIG plan anyway? The day would at least be my own instead of my desk’s and that would be enough.

Just Dance, It Will Be Ok

In going with the impromptu feeling of the Wednesday July 4, parties started popping up at the last minute Tuesday night. So I went out dancing! Can I just tell you how good it feels to dance? Because it feels amazing. There has been a lot going on in my head lately, as I tackle new projects at work and search for a new roommate and travel every single weekend out of town and get ready for my trip to Israel. All good things, but just a lot whirring around in my head. But when I go out, and the music blares in my ears and vibrates in my chest, everything goes away. When I close my eyes and just groove, nothing matters. Not to mention, the friends I went downtown with were all fabulous dancers—people who are so into it they need space for their moves. We had dance-offs. We bounced around on the rooftop couches. It was a total blast. My expectations for the kick-off to my day off were met.

The actual holiday of July 4 was the perfect mix of productivity and relaxation. I spent the morning getting the things done I never have time for (see: laundry) while watching Wimbledon (yay tennis) and then spent the afternoon at the pool and the park with friends. No pressure. Just fun.

The Moves Like Jagger

Thursday night, my girl friends and I went to see MagicMike. Can I just say…it was everything I’d hoped for and more? The marketers of this movie are geniuses. They marketed the film as a commercial flick, all skin and sex and no brains. Personally, I might have been ok with that for one movie and one night. After all, have you ever seen a sexier cast than the lineup of Matthew McConaughey, Channing Tatum, Mattew Bomer, and JoeManganiello? Watching them parade around shirtless and chiseled with a serving of Channing’s phenomenal dancing on the side would have been amazing on its own. Yet, the movie was actually a bit more indie and brainy than the trailer let on—featuring thoughtful direction, focused shot-making and a true storyline (not just an empty plot). Brava Steven Soderbergh.

I was SO happy I went to see that movie. It was worth every penny. So while I prefer to dance myself, on nights when I can’t watching amazing choreography is a nice substitute.

For I...Can't...Help...

Then the weekend hit. I was traveling home to CT to hitch a ride with my family up to Meredith, New Hampshire. My brother is performing at InterlakesTheatre up in Meredith as part of summer stock. He is currently in performance for the first of four shows this summer. So we packed our bags and got ready to see the Elvis musical All Shook Up! In the style of Mamma Mia, the show takes the music of Elvis and builds a plot around it. What comes out is a bit of a cheesy show, but it’s so fun and the music is so great that you ignore the corn and love every minute of it.

Prior to this weekend I had seen my family a lot. A lot, as in, every weekend since the summer began. I love my family, and I don’t regret a single trip I took home. But, I was stressing over work and the roommate decisions hung over my head and I was just ready to get in a fight. Plain and simple. 

I was ready for my mom to ask too many questions, to pry. I was ready for her to over-involve herself in my decision (even though I had asked her for her advice just 12 hours before). I was expecting it, like a lion ready for the kill. So when she asked if I had received any more inquiries about the room, I pounced. 

It wasn't fair, to be honest. But because I attacked, she engaged. And then the aura was tense. How you approach a situation can completely dictate that situation. I'm a big believer in the self-fulfilling prophecy. If you expect something to go wrong, chances are it will. So thanks to my attitude, and my inability to control it even when I know it's going haywire, led to a less enjoyable car ride. 

But once again, the power of dance prevails. While the tension broke much earlier than when the curtain rose, any trace leftovers of it apparated the instant my brother took the stage dancing. If I may, he is a ridiculous dancer. His talent never ceases to amaze me. He ALWAYS surprises me with his growth as a performer. Every time I think I have figured out his character type or dance level, he brings something new to the table and baffles me all over again. The show was simply adorable and I learned that I actually really like Elvis music, particularly when arranged a la musical theatre (do yourself a favor and listen to this).


It was a huge treat to be able to travel to see him perform, to see such a quality production, and to (what else?) get up and dance in the aisles during the bows of the Saturday night show. 


While dancing and managing my expectations might seem completely unrelated, my high school yearbook quote lifted from Wicked puts it perfectly: Nothing matters but knowing nothing matters, it's just life so keep dancing through.

It's not worth getting stressed out over things, particularly in advance. No need to anticipate that something will be frustrating, or it will turn out that way. Just let life roll off your back. Relax. Smile. Turn on some music. Dance. I promise you'll feel better.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Happy wedding time

It's July folks. I cannot even believe it. June zoomed right by. Too fast for me to even recognize that June--known to all bridal industry professionals the month of all months for weddings--quickly came and went, though not without some nuptial celebrations. 

This last week of June was the first time such prosperity for the people in my own life coincided with the commercially decided month of matrimony. As part of a really big Jewish family, I have a ton of cousins (meaning first and second) of marrying age. They basically pick the date they can squeeze onto an already full calendar. I've been to fall weddings, winter weddings--June has never been a bigger deal than any other time. Now, the difference is: my friends are of marrying age. And what an eventful June week it was.

I attended my cousin's wedding this past Wednesday and one of my closest friend's wedding yesterday. In between chair-lifting and toasting, another cousin of mine got engaged and yet another cousin of mine announced that he and his wife are expecting! Meanwhile, last Tuesday a distant friend of mine got married and yesterday, out in Ohio, my friend from college got married. It seems my life is busting at the seams with happy couples.

My mood around weddings varies. In the past, weddings were tough since all of my aunts and uncles would bless me, muttering in Arabic, hoping that I would enjoy the same blessings as the bride and groom very soon. It felt like an insane amount of pressure. (Think of my family as Toula's family in My Big Fat Greek Wedding). Since then, I have adjusted what they're saying in my head to mean "the same for you" in due time. This is a little less aggravating on the nerves and turns a time bomb into a simple well-wish. A happy thought. 

So now, I try just to bask in the glow of happiness of the bride and groom whenever I'm at a wedding. Their wedding is not about my not-wedding, which is important to keep in mind at a time when so many people I know are headed towards wedded bliss. (I know as a twenty-something I am not alone in this.) The day is about them, and what an honor it has been to a be a part of so many happy days!

On wedding days, I get to see two families merge because of a singular love. You merge people, you merge traditions, friends. Your lives basically collide in an explosion to create something brand new. Nifty science experiment, no? 

The wedding I went to yesterday married a man who had been raised as a Reform Jew and a woman who had been raised more traditionally and is an Orthodox Jew. It was incredible to watch the Reform rabbi tag team with the Orthodox rabbi to perform a ceremony with many Orthodox traditions in a Reform synagogue sanctuary. 

The fusion of practices and customs evidenced compromise at its best. It was so cool to watch how two definitive paths merged into one new blazing trail. It inspired hope within me. Look what people are willing to do for those they love. The husband will sacrifice for the wife and vice versa, but each of their families also bend to accommodate a new addition to the family tree. It makes me think that, perhaps, in the world at large compromise is possible.

But most importantly, from all these festive occasions and happy announcements you realize how important it is to pause and fully enjoy these moments of happiness. Not only is there a lot of crap going on in the world, but I find that too often families make the time for each other only for obligatory sad occasions. You get a call when, G-d forbid, someone is in the hospital. You drive a long way on short notice to make it to a funeral. For some reason, tragedies get priority over comedies. Attend the events that you get to sing and dance and drink and eat and laugh and be merry. 

I vote that happy times get just as much attention and priority as sad times. Life is short, moments are fleeting. Indulge in the ones that make you smile, in the ones that give you hope. Invest in the ones that make you feel love. 

And this is not exclusive to weddings. Choose to be a part of a celebration of love or friendship or family. My college roommates and I gathered for brunch our senior spring to reminisce about the past year of friendship and living together. We laughed at old stories and ate delicious pancakes. It wasn't a conventional celebration for springtime, but it was a happy time. 

So happy wedding season and may you find creative ways to experience happy days that far outnumber days of any other kind.