Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Love the one you’re with


Yesterday I went out to Westchester to enjoy one of my friend’s suburban backyard pools. It was a perfect day in terms of weather, and her backyard was like a little flowery oasis with perfect-temperature water.
As we floated around the pool, she began to talk about how she’s sad to leave New York and go back to law school because all of her friends (all located here) are going to be doing all of these fun things without her. Yet, in the next breath she talked about her winter term trip to Australia and her class weekend ski trip and her spring break plans. 
Ummm, THAT sounds super fun. Most likely more fun than I will have here. At the very least, more adventurous.

But it’s not necessarily about what you do, it’s who you do it with, she defended. It’s not that going to Atlantic Beach [where a bunch of us are going afters she leaves for school] is amazing. It’s that you’re all doing it together without me.

Touche.

I get it. 

This is actually something I had to learn. You can go across the globe to, say...Argentina, but without the right person or people to share it with, the experience can lose some of its luster. (Don’t get me wrong, I had an AMAZING time when I went to Argentina—even some valuable time alone—but some of my best experiences were when I was doing something exotic WITH people I really enjoyed.)

Some of my favorite nights have been sitting around watching YouTube clips with my best friend. That’s just it. I was with my best friend.

Maybe that’s why this past weekend was so great. It was my first full weekend in New York since before Memorial Day—you may recall the epic Vegas extravaganza weekend that kicked off my summer.

Friday night, one of my best friends from Barnard came over for Shabbat dinner. I had originally hoped to throw a big dinner celebrating my new job and my New York weekend, but so many people were going out of town for their last licks at summer. So it was just the two of us. I cooked. She brought wine and dessert. We ate delicious food, and then sipped Moscato while we caught up. And then...we topped off the night with a viewing of Beauty and the Beast.

I love Disney. I love Disney more with a friend. I love Disney most with a friend who loves Disney and can recite all the lines if the moment arises. It was such a simple evening, but 100 percent enjoyable.

Saturday I slept in and then planned to do some quiet reading on the roof. Not so according to plan, I got invited to the park after I was comfortably settled in my lounge chair. But I hadn’t seen these guys in a while, since I’ve been away every weekend. I packed up and headed to the Great Lawn. 

Even though I read while they played catch, and I ducked some frisbees—they really should learn to aim better—it was great to be around them. Casual, cool, just hanging out. It was so much nicer to be in the aura of a group, laughing and joking about other people in the park (and said terrible aim).

Saturday night, I went to a housewarming party for my friend at his new awesome penthouse apartment on Central Park West. Now before you start thinking all Plaza Hotel on me, calm down. It’s a two story apartment, with exposed brick and lofted spaces and balconies. Awesome by young New Yorker standards; not quite as elegant as Gossip Girl or the Upper East Side. The party had an awesome eclectic vibe; all three guys went to Brandeis, so there was a large Brandeis showing, but one guy used to live in the East Village (bringing some downtown flavor to the Upper West), and another guy just started Columbia Business School (recruiting some of the ethnic, brainy crowd). 

My friends and I turned one of the rooms into a dance party, taking breaks to cool off on the airy balcony (really makes me want a balcony). At the end of the day, it was an apartment party. We were drinking from Red Solo cups, accompanied by a Songza playlist. But it was awesome! We didn’t need a crazy club that night because we were just having fun with each other.

Topping it off with Sunday’s rest and relaxation by the pool, my future-lawyer friend has a point. I would never stop planning random outings or forego the opportunity to do something uniquely New York, but I will say that I have definitely learned the value of the people I choose to do these things with. While I do not negate my earlier post about going it alone, variety is the spice of life. I mean, it’s nice to love what you do, but it’s satisfying to love the ones you’re with.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Decisions, decisions


One of the hardest things for me to do is make a decision. 

Since I was a child, I’ve always struggled with decisions big and small. It took me forever to decide what to order at a restaurant—as if whether to have macaroni and cheese or pasta with marinara was a life or death decision. I waited until April 30 to make my choice for undergrad, as the check was due May 1. (Arguably this was a bigger decision, but I had agonized for months over that one and still it came down to the wire.)

Friends and family would try to help. What do YOU want? they would ask. But I didn’t know. If I could feel what I wanted, and discern that from what others wanted, I would be able to make a decision. But I couldn’t. 

Often, I was trying to please someone else. Or, I was paralyzingly afraid of making a mistake, so it was easier to do what others said.

I have a friend who, during undergrad, made it his mission to help me with decisions. Baby steps, he said. So he would make me decide what flavor ice cream I wanted in a time limit, or force me to choose if I wanted to go out or rent a movie. 

Practicing decisions helped, but I think it was when I went abroad to Argentina and I spent so much time with myself and my own thoughts that I learned to hear my own voice. I learned to hear what I want. Following that voice is another story, but for the first time in my life I felt like I possessed that “gut” everyone was always telling me to listen to.

This past week, a few decisions came up.

Monday night. I was exhausted from yet another weekend away. (Fun, but draining.) I was beginning to lose the fight against the tired and I had woken up with a scratchy throat in the morning. My friend had invited me to join him and his friends at the HBO Bryant Park Film Festival to watch All About Eve (Indiana Jones is their final movie of the summer if you want to catch it today, August 20). 

I had gone to the film festival last year. It’s super fun if you’ve never been (which is why it made the summer bucket list even though I’ve been before). New Yorkers pack the lawn beginning at 5pm. They drink and piacnic until the movie starts at around 8:30pm. I especially love seeing old black and white movies on the big screen; it makes me feel like I’m transported to a different era, before everyone could just watch the movie on their own DVD player.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go, knowing that the movie was so long and I was fighting off sickness. So, I decided to go to the movie and just leave whenever I got too tired. I know this doesn’t sound revolutionary, but it was to me. The idea of leaving before a movie ended, or separate from the people I picnicked with...bizarre. But I did it. Because that is what I wanted. 

Thursday night I drove into New Jersey for my cousin’s engagement party. The plan was to stay in Jersey by the beach after said party and just enjoy a Shabbat with extended family and some downtime. 

My brother, who has been up in New Hampshire all summer working at summerstock, missed the engagement party because he is currently in A Chorus Line. My parents had seen the show during the week. I had sadly accepted the fact that I just wouldn’t be able to make it to this show of my brother’s. It was running only one week. I couldn’t catch a ride with my family to see a weeknight show because of work. I couldn’t get there over the weekend because I was in Jersey with no way to get to Meredith, New Hampshire.

A Chorus Line is such an iconic show, as it is the story of an audition for the chorus of a Broadway show in the 1970s. It so true to life, so deeply moving. Of all the shows my brother was doing this summer it is the one I wanted to see the most and the one it was impossible to get to.

Well, Friday morning my mother (who had been at the party Thursday night) texted me with a proposition. Would I like to ride home with them to Connecticut, take a car, and drive to New Hampshire in time for the 7:30pm show? I had about 15 minutes to decide.

Oh that was so NOT the plan. And my cousin was so excited for me to spend the weekend with her. And I had been looking forward to the beach. And my body was so tired I couldn’t even imagine all of that traveling.

But when I looked ahead to the weekend, and visualized those days, I saw myself in New Hampshire. I saw myself in the audience supporting my brother. So I hopped in the car and began a long day of travel to make it in time to see Joseph in the most important show of his life so far: his first A Chorus Line.

I made it just in time. I had a terrific seat right in front of his spot on the “line.” I cannot even describe how phenomenal he is. The show was amazing and there was a LOT of talent. But to watch my brother do a show he’s dreamed about doing his whole life...it was a gift. 

To watch someone do what they are born to do is a powerful thing. Each time I see him perform, my brother inspires me. And when the cast sang “What I Did For Love” I sobbed in my seat. He does what he does for unbridled love he feels for his craft. I drove 8 hours to get to him because I love my brother. 

My decision was absolutely the right one. I did what wanted to do, without feeling like I had to follow a plan or live up to the expectations of others. My choice was definitely not a mistake, in fact I changed plans again and instead of driving the leg home to Connecticut on Saturday night, I drove home Sunday morning. 

It felt silly to me to be driving in a car alone when I could watch my brother (and all of my new friends) on stage. Plus, I was having way too much fun spending time with all of the theater kids!

Now I’m home in New York and about ready to pass out. I definitely need my rest, as I start my new job as an Editorial Assistant/Assistant to the Editor-in-Chief of Parents magazine. That was another decision of late: do I stay in my position or do I explore an editorial opportunity? I decided to explore—which really wasn’t a decision—and during the exploration process I had to take an edit test. 

It was while I was completing the tasks for my test that I felt in my gut—yes I have one of those!—that I was doing something that I love. So as I make the move to editorial, I only hope to perform as well as my brother and to continue making choices based on my own logic and my own feelings. 

It was a fantastic weekend, which I only hope foreshadows the coming days. 

If you ever have a problem making a decision, think about what it is you truly want deep down. Don’t think about the pressures of others. Don’t think about expectations. Don’t worry you will make a mistake. In an isolated world, what do you want? What do you see yourself doing?

From what I’ve found, even if you can’t always get what you want...you get what you need.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Just a Spoonful of Laughter Helps the River Raft Go Down

I can’t believe it’s been two and a half weeks since I returned from Israel. It seems like a lifetime away—or just another world. Since being back, I’ve definitely been readjusting to my routine back in the States, but I miss Israel a lot. 

While there are many parts of my experience in Israel I cannot carry over to life across the Atlantic, there are two types of fun that I plan to make a part of everyday life--not just vacation life. Laughter and the Great Outdoors.

Summer may be winding down, but it’s not over yet. While the weather is still warm (and since the Olympics have closed and there won't be anything nearly as good on TV until the Fall), now is the perfect time to spend some time outside. Seriously, I had no idea how much I love the outdoors. I never considered myself outdoors-y, but I think ever since Argentina--when I fed the adventure-seeker in me by hiking mountains and repelling off cliffs, horseback-riding in the snow and climbing glaciers--that I realized that I do enjoy nature. 

Israel reminded me of that. As I said in my last post, I LOVE the northern part of Israel. It's no coincidence that this is the region where we started each day with a hike and rafted down the Jordan River. 

Rafting down the Jordan was my favorite activity on the trip. The River Jordan is by no means a dangerous rapid-filled river of death, but it gets a little rough at parts and the current is fairly strong. Six of us climbed into a raft with lifejackets and two oars/paddles (I feel like if it’s a raft, they qualify as paddles). It took us about five minutes to decide that using said paddles was a terrible idea; there was no way we would be coordinated enough to conquer the current with them and actually guide our raft. We decided instead to focus on ducking the branches and thorns trying to maim us whenever we hit the riverbank, and enjoying our ride.

Try to imagine: six Americans, spinning around in a raft (with absolutely no control) down what you might call a mild river or a violent stream, bashing into a riverbank and immediately diving head first into aid raft so that the thorny bushes drag over our lifejackets instead of skinning us alive. Every few feet we’re screaming “duck!” “branch!” “lift your butt! ROCKS!” Oh the incompetence. It made the ride that much more entertaining.

Every so often we hit a calm stretch and begin to float. We sigh and then the Israelis, chilling on the banks in their lawn chairs, hop in and splash us until we’re soaking wet. Welcome to Israel.

About 30-40 minutes in, we hear a bubbling sound. “Guys what’s that?” Our raft has a hole in it. Yup. It was not our imagination that we were sitting in more river water than normal. By the end of our ride, we are sitting in roughly 10 inches of water. My friend, Justin, finds the side spout where one would pump the raft with water. It is safely beneath our 10-inch waterline. Well, Justin begins to let some air out, “Hey, guys! Jets for our Jacuzzi!” You definitely had to be there, but I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. It was the first point in the trip where I think we stopped trying to impress each other. We let go, literally went with the flow, and laughed really REALLY hard. It was the most fun 2.5 hours of the trip.

I don’t think I’ll be rafting down the Hudson any time soon, but I do think that after enjoying so much time outside, I’m going to maximize my out-of-office time in the outdoors. Since being back, I was lucky enough to make my first trip to the Hamptons for a weekend. I made sure to spend morning until night in the sun—not just sunbathing. I jumped some waves and played a few rounds of beach volleyball with some randoms on the sand. NOTE: I kind of suck at beach volleyball. In fact, I kind of suck at sports (I was just never gifted in anything that involved throwing, catching or hitting a ball – dance, yoga, that’s more my talent area). But, I decided that my embarrassment at my lack of skill was not going to stop me from fooling around and enjoying the sunshine.

Likewise, I left the Hamptons to get back to the Upper West Side for my favorite event of the summer: Color War. A couple of lovely ladies from the UWS organize the day of awesomeness each summer. Last year was my first year participating, and this year was the Fourth Annual Color War. My team dominated—GO RED TEAM!—just like my team did last year (though probably no thanks to me). We spent the day competing in ultimate Frisbee, kickball, dodge ball and a crazy relay race. Just like my day on the Jordan, this day was all about acting like a child and having a blast. In fact, for the Fifth Annual I’m suggesting a massive game of Red Rover. Or maybe Capture the Flag.

As long as summer as here, and hopefully beyond, I’m going to make time to play outside and giggle and act like a kid. I definitely need to laugh more. Half the fun of Birthright are all of the inside jokes. In fact, Justin spent half the trip working on jokes to make us laugh (mostly play-on-words like “Hey guys, is it shwarma-t or is it just me?” Get it? Warm out? Groan-worthy, but funny.) If you check out my Facebook profile, which hasn’t been updated since I made it in 2006, you’ll see that my favorite thing to do in life is laugh. That hasn’t changed; I was simply reminded in Israel.

So here’s to more laughter and more time outside. After all, what’s life if you’re not enjoying it?

Monday, July 30, 2012

Birthright "Israeli" AWESOME


This past Shabbat morning, I had the honor of delivering our congregation’s weekly Israel update since I had just returned from Birthright. Below is the speech I gave. It sparked some interesting discussion. I hope it can instigate some conversation here, too. Not to mention, now you can all know where I was during my blogging hiatus. Please note that the below is my interpretation of the group’s experiences while in Israel, but do not reflect the opinion of the group as a whole.

I just returned from Israel three days ago. I have not yet readjusted. In fact, I would say I have a long way to go. I have not yet come back down to Earth from the overwhelmingly uplifting ten-day experience with which I have been blessed. I have not yet gotten used to being an individual using New York public transportation, instead of being one in a group of 40 young Jews on a chartered tour bus. I don’t know how to eat breakfast alone anymore. I’m not sure how to sit at an office computer from 9AM to 5PM instead of taking in the breathtaking views and feeling the goosebump-inducing spirituality of Israel from 7AM to…3AM. I’ll get back to real life eventually, but it’s hard to let go.

For those of you who don’t know, Birthright is a gift. Literally. Sponsored by private donors, the Israeli government, and the Jewish Federation, it is a ten-day Israel experience gifted to young Jewish adults between the ages of 18 and 26 who have not yet been on a peer trip to Israel. Birthright approves multiple trip “organizers.” No two itineraries between organizers are the exact same. Each organizer adds their own flavor. I chose Mayanot for my trip.

In typical Ruthie fashion, I didn’t choose my program at random, I read up on all of the programs and compared itineraries and descriptions. But five years ago (yes it has been that long), I chose Mayanot because they seemed to have the most hands-on Israeli involvement (including an interactive volunteer project and the addition of Israeli students and soldiers to our group for part of the trip). After applying to Birthright six times (truly I lost track but that’s a solid estimate), I left on a plane with the rest of Mayanot 608 on Sunday, July 15.

We all immediately bonded over the long, long flight on Aerosvit. That’s what you get when you combine bad airplane food with no televisions – a lot to commiserate over. We appropriately renamed our cruddy airline—let your imaginations run wild—and it became our first of several hundred inside jokes on the trip.

Our first destination after landing was Tiberias in the North.

Full disclosure. I have been to Israel once before, but with my family five years ago. We stopped off in the North. Personally, it was not my favorite. Now? I LOVE THE NORTH.

We stayed at our hotel for three nights, so we were parked for a solid period of time. Our first morning we went on a hike through the Gilabun. Stomping through the brush, maneuvering over slippery rocks, it was a great exercise in team-building while we also learned that Israel is not a total desert. I also learned where all the Jewish gentlemen have been hiding, as many of my strapping young Jewish male friends offered their hands and their help in navigating through branches and streams. Seriously, it was like “Ohhh, here they are!”

But anyways.

After our hike, we boarded the bus to Mt. Bental—the site of the former Syrian bunker when this piece of the North was actually Syria. It’s unbelievable to visit a country and stand on land that your army has won. On land that your people have earned. On land that in recent memory had not been yours, but had, in fact, been a strategic viewpoint to more easily aim at you. It was our first taste of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. It was the first moment we learned of the idea of DEFENDING the land of Israel. Not fighting for it, DEFENDING it.

Later that day, because we were so timely (and that was the last day we ever were), we were able to add in a stop to a local Olive Oil Dispensary in Qazrim. Not only did our group hoard olive oil like you’ve never seen in your life, we met with the owner of the dispensary. Avi was a former army commander. Now, he dispenses olive oil; but more than that, he is the sole producer—in the world—of 100% organic olive oil in a 100% sustainable operation. How’s that for an Israel update? Environment. Technology. Food. He’s got it all.

Now briefly: when you press olive oil you are left with olive residue. Olive residue is toxic. When you toss it back to the ground, you poison the land and the water. Avi figured out a purpose for this olive residue: cleaning. He makes anti-acne body wash. He makes anti-bacterial toilet cleaner—all out of olive residue. Avi claims that he has offered this technology (the ability to convert this residue into productive matter) to Jordan and Lebanon and Syria, but they have all refused his help. His philosophy, simple but profound, “You cannot fix yesterday, only tomorrow.” In this vein, he extended the hand of friendship through his product and technology. Even as a man who fought in the IDF and faced bullets from neighboring countries, he held no hate in his heart. He wants to help. He wants to move forward.

I would love to be able to lead you through a day by day account of my trip, but I know you can’t sit here and read all day, so here’s to speeding up.

On Day Two, after some more hiking we visited a kibbutz directly on the border of Lebanon. Directly as in I could reach out and touch the border fence. Our speaker was Aryeh, a 70-year-old Israeli who had emigrated from Detroit, Michigan about 50 years prior. I did not like Aryeh. In fact, I was so angry about Aryeh I cried burning angry tears after I finally escaped the room he spoke in. Aryeh also fought in the IDF. He has lived on this border since he moved to Israel.

Now he may say he holds no hate in his heart, but his words certainly sounded hateful to me.

He spoke of his dislike for his neighbors. He spoke of the barbaric people that are the Arabs. He clearly stated that he was not a warmonger. He did not like to kill. But that when he is threatened, and his country is threatened, he absolutely will shoot a gun without regret. He argued that Islam is a religion that teaches hate and war. He argued that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict is one of religious spite, and not about land at all. These were tough sentiments to hear.

Many of you heard me speak a couple of years ago about my studies of Israel during my undergrad. I was blessed to learn about the start of the conflict back in the 1800s. I learned from both the Israeli and the Arab perspective. The Jewish and the Muslim sides. I believe the conflict, while now a deep ethnic and religious battle, was rooted in a conflict about land.

Bottom line, this man was bitter and angry. He opened up the floor to questions by saying, “I am not here to hear your opinions. I will NOT debate anything I have said with you. If you have a question, fine. I will answer it with the hard truth, but I will not engage in a discussion because nothing you say means anything.” A little abrasive? A little condescending?

What made me so upset, was that I knew that on Day Two many of my friends on my trip didn’t really have much other word to go off of. I didn’t want them to hear his voice as the lone opinion. I didn’t want this man to breed hatred in their hearts. I wanted us all to learn and understand. Many Arabs are hateful, many are not. Many Muslims distort the teaching of their religion into violence. Many do not. This man may have been telling HIS truth, but it was not an ABSOLUTE truth as he claimed.

I believe there are two sides to every story. I think the best way to support Israel is to tell both sides and simply make the better argument.

Fast-forward five days. It was Sunday night. Our speaker, Neil Lazarus, asked us what day of the trip it was. We didn’t know. His response, [insert British accent here] “That means it’s about Day 6 or 7. That’s when Birthright trips have no clue where they are. I swear, the man who created the Birthright itinerary was absolutely a sadistic human being.” We laughed through our Birthright coma.

Neil approaches “the conflict” from an academic perspective. He is brilliant. As he walked us through the situation of the Middle East today (i.e. Tunisia, Libya, Egypt, Syria, Iran), he showed us a video clip. I honestly do not remember in which country this speech was made, or where the rally was held. But I do remember feeling sick to my stomach and crying.

This rally for the Arab Spring (as it is called) called for Muslims to take up their guns and fight. Not against the dictators in their own oppressed governments, but to take up their guns and take back Palestine. To take Jerusalem--out of the hands of the Jews--as their capital. To fight until the death. To kill. To hate.

Next I saw a video clip, basically off of someone’s iPhone, of a missile strike in Gaza. The sirens. The earth shaking. And then I understood why Aryeh, after living across a line in the sand from the Lebanese Hezbollah, is the way he is.

Israelis live in a warzone. It is as simple as that. The good news is that it is quiet right now. The bad news is, that’s just right now.

Six Israeli peers, both active soldiers and students who had finished their IDF service, had joined our trip by this point. We were supposed to have seven, but one was called away to be with his unit to deal with the crisis in Bulgaria where a bus of Israeli tourists had been bombed.

We bombarded our new friends with questions about the army. How does it work? How do you get your assignment? Do you have friends who are combat soldiers? And questions about life. Where is the cool bar to go out? What music do you listen to? You live on a kibbutz? How does that work?

But I think the biggest understanding we gained, was a feel for the enormous swell of pride that each Israeli we met feels for their country. This is something that as Americans, none of us on the trip currently feel about our country of birth. This idea that you believe in the mission of your country, that you love your countryman as your brother, that the Jewish people of the world are really just one big spread out family who deserves a home, was foreign to us.

Yet, this concept is not foreign to all Americans. As prep for our visit to Israel’s largest military cemetery, we watched a movie about the fallen American IDF soldier, Michael Levin whose grave we would visit later that day. A young man so dedicated to Israel, Michael broke into an Israeli government building to enroll in the army. To further prove that the Jews of the world are one big family, I received a shock that morning when I realized that I know Michael’s family. They were my host home at USY International Convention 2005. Michael’s mom was my mom for three days. His sisters my sisters. His home my home. Michael died fighting August 3, 2006.

The idea of fighting a war to sustain the existence of your country—rather than our wars fought outside our land—became very real. We felt Michael and every young soldier’s commitment and pride viscerally.

But of course, we also had a blast. It was not only the people, but the land itself that made 40 young Americans fall in love with Israel. From our hike in the Gilabun, to our hysterical rafting down the Jordan River; from our meandering through Tzfat, to our Kabbalat Shabbat at the Kotel; from our wave-jumping at the beach in Tel Aviv to our trek through Jerusalem’s Hezekiah tunnels; from Masada to the Dead Sea, we learned firsthand the beauty of Israel. We fell head over heels.

When we visited Independence Hall in Tel Aviv and listened to David Ben Gurion declare the State of Israel, we had tears in our eyes and when we rode camels through the desert we had smiles on our faces. We challenged each other in discussions about how to prioritize Jewish values to pass on to the next generation. We stared in awe at the graves in Mt Herzel.

And after all of this, after ten days that felt more like ten months, it was time to wrap up and say goodbye. During our closing ceremonies, we all had to pick a highlight of the trip and declare something non-material that we were taking home with us from Israel.

It was in this moment that I realized that Birthright is going to save the Jewish people. Kids that came with little religion, kids who questioned G-d, kids who felt no connection to their ancestry or the land of Israel all declared that they felt like they had a home in Israel—that they are now proud to be Jews. And after struggling in the past few years with my Jewish identity, I felt I was able to reconnect with the help of my Birthright staff and peers.

My love for Israel, my understanding and compassion for my people, grew on this trip. The last time I visited I thought to myself, “This is a beautiful place, but I could never leave home to move here.” Now, I completely understand why friends of mine move to Israel. I understand the desire. They are moving home. It’s not out of the question for me anymore.

The last time I was home in CT, Gail Weinstein’s Israel update was about numbers and the Jewish population around the world. After hearing those numbers, I wanted to cry. I worried that the Jewish people would evaporate. But I can guarantee, that as long as we send my generation and the coming generations to Israel—particularly on Birthright—that we will flood the world with our culture and love.

If you know of any young Jewish young person, whether they identify as such or not, you must tell them to go on Birthright. This will be your contribution to Israel and the Jewish people of tomorrow.

Shabbat Shalom.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

On a jet plane

for Birthright I am finally on the plane to Israel. I am sitting next to a woman who looks like yaya. I will blog if I can but get ready for stories upon my return.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Dancing through life

This past week was completely packed. While looking back on it and trying to draw connections I realized that the last seven days had two major things in common: expectations and dancing.

July 4, as we all know, landed on a Wednesday and I was hell bent on making my bonus day count. I began frantically emailing friends about their plans for the day. To no avail, it was the night before and things were still up in the air. There were options. I would see people and spend time with people. I had to let go of a BIG plan. Who cares about a BIG plan anyway? The day would at least be my own instead of my desk’s and that would be enough.

Just Dance, It Will Be Ok

In going with the impromptu feeling of the Wednesday July 4, parties started popping up at the last minute Tuesday night. So I went out dancing! Can I just tell you how good it feels to dance? Because it feels amazing. There has been a lot going on in my head lately, as I tackle new projects at work and search for a new roommate and travel every single weekend out of town and get ready for my trip to Israel. All good things, but just a lot whirring around in my head. But when I go out, and the music blares in my ears and vibrates in my chest, everything goes away. When I close my eyes and just groove, nothing matters. Not to mention, the friends I went downtown with were all fabulous dancers—people who are so into it they need space for their moves. We had dance-offs. We bounced around on the rooftop couches. It was a total blast. My expectations for the kick-off to my day off were met.

The actual holiday of July 4 was the perfect mix of productivity and relaxation. I spent the morning getting the things done I never have time for (see: laundry) while watching Wimbledon (yay tennis) and then spent the afternoon at the pool and the park with friends. No pressure. Just fun.

The Moves Like Jagger

Thursday night, my girl friends and I went to see MagicMike. Can I just say…it was everything I’d hoped for and more? The marketers of this movie are geniuses. They marketed the film as a commercial flick, all skin and sex and no brains. Personally, I might have been ok with that for one movie and one night. After all, have you ever seen a sexier cast than the lineup of Matthew McConaughey, Channing Tatum, Mattew Bomer, and JoeManganiello? Watching them parade around shirtless and chiseled with a serving of Channing’s phenomenal dancing on the side would have been amazing on its own. Yet, the movie was actually a bit more indie and brainy than the trailer let on—featuring thoughtful direction, focused shot-making and a true storyline (not just an empty plot). Brava Steven Soderbergh.

I was SO happy I went to see that movie. It was worth every penny. So while I prefer to dance myself, on nights when I can’t watching amazing choreography is a nice substitute.

For I...Can't...Help...

Then the weekend hit. I was traveling home to CT to hitch a ride with my family up to Meredith, New Hampshire. My brother is performing at InterlakesTheatre up in Meredith as part of summer stock. He is currently in performance for the first of four shows this summer. So we packed our bags and got ready to see the Elvis musical All Shook Up! In the style of Mamma Mia, the show takes the music of Elvis and builds a plot around it. What comes out is a bit of a cheesy show, but it’s so fun and the music is so great that you ignore the corn and love every minute of it.

Prior to this weekend I had seen my family a lot. A lot, as in, every weekend since the summer began. I love my family, and I don’t regret a single trip I took home. But, I was stressing over work and the roommate decisions hung over my head and I was just ready to get in a fight. Plain and simple. 

I was ready for my mom to ask too many questions, to pry. I was ready for her to over-involve herself in my decision (even though I had asked her for her advice just 12 hours before). I was expecting it, like a lion ready for the kill. So when she asked if I had received any more inquiries about the room, I pounced. 

It wasn't fair, to be honest. But because I attacked, she engaged. And then the aura was tense. How you approach a situation can completely dictate that situation. I'm a big believer in the self-fulfilling prophecy. If you expect something to go wrong, chances are it will. So thanks to my attitude, and my inability to control it even when I know it's going haywire, led to a less enjoyable car ride. 

But once again, the power of dance prevails. While the tension broke much earlier than when the curtain rose, any trace leftovers of it apparated the instant my brother took the stage dancing. If I may, he is a ridiculous dancer. His talent never ceases to amaze me. He ALWAYS surprises me with his growth as a performer. Every time I think I have figured out his character type or dance level, he brings something new to the table and baffles me all over again. The show was simply adorable and I learned that I actually really like Elvis music, particularly when arranged a la musical theatre (do yourself a favor and listen to this).


It was a huge treat to be able to travel to see him perform, to see such a quality production, and to (what else?) get up and dance in the aisles during the bows of the Saturday night show. 


While dancing and managing my expectations might seem completely unrelated, my high school yearbook quote lifted from Wicked puts it perfectly: Nothing matters but knowing nothing matters, it's just life so keep dancing through.

It's not worth getting stressed out over things, particularly in advance. No need to anticipate that something will be frustrating, or it will turn out that way. Just let life roll off your back. Relax. Smile. Turn on some music. Dance. I promise you'll feel better.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Happy wedding time

It's July folks. I cannot even believe it. June zoomed right by. Too fast for me to even recognize that June--known to all bridal industry professionals the month of all months for weddings--quickly came and went, though not without some nuptial celebrations. 

This last week of June was the first time such prosperity for the people in my own life coincided with the commercially decided month of matrimony. As part of a really big Jewish family, I have a ton of cousins (meaning first and second) of marrying age. They basically pick the date they can squeeze onto an already full calendar. I've been to fall weddings, winter weddings--June has never been a bigger deal than any other time. Now, the difference is: my friends are of marrying age. And what an eventful June week it was.

I attended my cousin's wedding this past Wednesday and one of my closest friend's wedding yesterday. In between chair-lifting and toasting, another cousin of mine got engaged and yet another cousin of mine announced that he and his wife are expecting! Meanwhile, last Tuesday a distant friend of mine got married and yesterday, out in Ohio, my friend from college got married. It seems my life is busting at the seams with happy couples.

My mood around weddings varies. In the past, weddings were tough since all of my aunts and uncles would bless me, muttering in Arabic, hoping that I would enjoy the same blessings as the bride and groom very soon. It felt like an insane amount of pressure. (Think of my family as Toula's family in My Big Fat Greek Wedding). Since then, I have adjusted what they're saying in my head to mean "the same for you" in due time. This is a little less aggravating on the nerves and turns a time bomb into a simple well-wish. A happy thought. 

So now, I try just to bask in the glow of happiness of the bride and groom whenever I'm at a wedding. Their wedding is not about my not-wedding, which is important to keep in mind at a time when so many people I know are headed towards wedded bliss. (I know as a twenty-something I am not alone in this.) The day is about them, and what an honor it has been to a be a part of so many happy days!

On wedding days, I get to see two families merge because of a singular love. You merge people, you merge traditions, friends. Your lives basically collide in an explosion to create something brand new. Nifty science experiment, no? 

The wedding I went to yesterday married a man who had been raised as a Reform Jew and a woman who had been raised more traditionally and is an Orthodox Jew. It was incredible to watch the Reform rabbi tag team with the Orthodox rabbi to perform a ceremony with many Orthodox traditions in a Reform synagogue sanctuary. 

The fusion of practices and customs evidenced compromise at its best. It was so cool to watch how two definitive paths merged into one new blazing trail. It inspired hope within me. Look what people are willing to do for those they love. The husband will sacrifice for the wife and vice versa, but each of their families also bend to accommodate a new addition to the family tree. It makes me think that, perhaps, in the world at large compromise is possible.

But most importantly, from all these festive occasions and happy announcements you realize how important it is to pause and fully enjoy these moments of happiness. Not only is there a lot of crap going on in the world, but I find that too often families make the time for each other only for obligatory sad occasions. You get a call when, G-d forbid, someone is in the hospital. You drive a long way on short notice to make it to a funeral. For some reason, tragedies get priority over comedies. Attend the events that you get to sing and dance and drink and eat and laugh and be merry. 

I vote that happy times get just as much attention and priority as sad times. Life is short, moments are fleeting. Indulge in the ones that make you smile, in the ones that give you hope. Invest in the ones that make you feel love. 

And this is not exclusive to weddings. Choose to be a part of a celebration of love or friendship or family. My college roommates and I gathered for brunch our senior spring to reminisce about the past year of friendship and living together. We laughed at old stories and ate delicious pancakes. It wasn't a conventional celebration for springtime, but it was a happy time. 

So happy wedding season and may you find creative ways to experience happy days that far outnumber days of any other kind.