Fear of Missing Out

More often referred to nowadays as FOMO (bulldozing language along with YOLO), the fear of missing out seems to possess my friends. And, if we’re being honest, it was my second greatest fear until about eight weeks ago. (My first greatest fear was making a mistake, which led to a huge void in decision-making skills.) Moving on.

I remember as a kid, I eavesdropped on all of my mother’s phone calls—not wanting to miss a single detail.

As a teenager, I fought the weights of my eyelids to stay awake until my parents’ nocturnal friends finally called it a night. College: I pushed myself to go out, stay up and watch the group movie, rage at the after-party, just so I wouldn’t miss anything. I would be present for all of the important stuff, damnit. All of the fun.

So what changed eight weeks ago? If you remember, eight weeks ago it was still summer time. My summer was packed to the brim with weekends away. If you've been reading, many of those weekends away were not spontaneous summer getaways. They were weekends in CT for family events, trips to New Hampshire to see a show. Obligations. Weekends that started as duties, but turned out to be total pleasures.

My first weekend away, I was sad to miss a night out in the city with my friends. But by the last weekend, I looked back and realized how many amazing memories I had made this summer. From Father’s Day and a bridal shower to the subsequent wedding and the production of Hairspray in Connecticut; from the family weekend on Lake Winnipesaukee for All Shook Up to the solo weekend in New Hampshire for the Broadway triumph A Chorus Line; I had a singularly incredibly summer. So who knows what I missed here? And quite frankly, if I was having fun where I was...who cares?

That’s the thing. If you are doing what YOU want and what pleases YOU, you cannot regret what you are missing that EVERYONE ELSE is doing. 

Over Simchat Torah (the Jewish holiday I spent on the UWS), I was unable to go downtown to my good friend’s party. I do not take the subway in observance of the holiday, and it was just too far a walk. So I missed her party. Of course, I was bummed not to be celebrating with my good friends. 

But later on in the night (that I would have been downtown) I bumped into someone, “Hey, why aren’t you downtown? You’re missing the party!” Without hesitation I responded, “The party is wherever I am.”

That reads really cocky when I type it. All I mean to say is, I can no longer worry about the fun other people are having. I'm done with the pressure and the stress over fun. It's supposed to be fun. 

Choose the place you think you’ll have the most fun. If that means staying in and watching a movie, instead of going to a bar with seven girlfriends, then that is where YOUR party is. 

I do my best to live by this new theory, but sometimes curiosity kills the night.

Another night of that same holiday, I ended up in a group of about eight girls. We were all excited for the evening, but naturally each of us had at least one stop we wanted to make in the night. The night was a string of entrances and exits. “Checking out places.” We never truly settled anywhere. We were so afraid of missing out and finding the fun, we didn’t make our own fun. 

FOMO is just that...a fear. Conquer your fear not by forcing yourself to go out when you want to stay in or trying to please everyone by going to three parties in one night. Make a decision about where you want to be. What will be fun for YOU tonight? 

Make your decision. Sit with it. Enjoy it. After all, you will always be missing out on something. Best not to worry about the fun you're not a part of and make the most of where you are.

Ditch the FOMO. After all, YOLO.