The Theory of Relativity

Happy Summer everyone!! It is officially post-Memorial Day, which means in real-person world (rather than solar calendar world) it is summer. Toss that cap in the air, be it graduation cardboard or not and smile.

I was home in CT for Memorial Day weekend as it was also the Jewish holiday of Shavuot—the celebration of the giving of the Ten Commandments for those of you who care to note. It was nice to relax with the family after our tour-de-crazy in Vegas. Immediately upon my return, I asked my sister if she had watched this week’s Bachelorette.

Now before you X-out of this week’s post at the mention of The Bachelorette and anything in the vicinity of Chris Harrison and roses, bear with me. Last season with Ben-I-Look-Like-Rafael-Nadal Flajnik was my first season ever and I was not a fan. Addicted, yes. Fan, no. But I was interested to see if I prefer watching 25 guys fight over one potentially put-together woman, rather than 25 girls claw at each other over one useless, blank-staring idiot. (For the record, I do prefer it.)

As my sister and I huddled deep into Bachelorette discussion, my mom rolled her eyes and declared her disgust for the show. In her paraphrased words, “I just think it’s disgusting how she goes off on a date with one guy and totally makes out with him and then turns around and is “in love with” and kissing a completely different guy.” The fact that Emily Maynard bounces around between a pool of men doesn’t sit well with my mom. Yet for some reason, this does not really phase me.

I think the reason it doesn’t bother me so much is that this is what dating is like—at least in a city with as many people as New York. You go out, you meet someone. Two days later, you go out and meet a different someone. Then (potentially) you sit at home comparing them to each other. Who do I like better? Who am I more attracted to? Who treated me nicer? It’s all relative. Sure person #1 might be great, but what if person #2 is better?

Herein lies the difference between our generation compared to our parents’ generation. Relativity. We have the chance to compare our options, and--dissimilar to days of yore--EVERYTHING comes with options. 

(Disclaimer: I’m about to make large generalizations based on my own personal experiences and observations. These are not absolute truths.)

Whereas our parents might have been set up on a date by acquaintances, or met one person at a local bar to go out with, we can go on OkCupid and JDate and Match.com and eHarmony.com, even Facebook, and find five people to go out with at the click of a button.

So is it weird to me that this season’s Bachelorette wants to find what she’s looking for by dating a whole bunch of guys at once and picking the best of the best? No. It seems almost normal.

It seems perfectly practical that rather than date one guy and see how that goes and assess your relationship in steps, a girl would date multiple guys and evaluate each person at the steps along the way. I grew up relying on a strategy of relativity and choosing for the future. I have trouble living in the current moment. 

This theory of relativity carries over into my professional life. I often find myself thinking about my job and what I do day-in and day-out. How is this job getting me to where I’m going? Is it the most productive job I can be in to get me to my ultimate goals? Is there something else I should be doing that will get me farther faster? Can I do better?

Regardless of the answers, the questions are there. My instinct is to compare. I want to know if I am doing my BEST in the BEST job for me. I sit around evaluating myself relative to my friends and co-workers and the paths that society’s most successful people took.

The relativity renders me impatient. I feel anxious to get to a better place, a higher place. In actuality, my situation is fabulous and I am on a productive path. If I would stop comparing for two seconds, I could live in the moment and appreciate what I have qualitatively.

Sometimes I compare and debate and contemplate and wonder "is this better, or that better" way too much. I'm always calculating what will get me where I want to be tomorrow. But the truth is, the question should be: am I happy where I am today?

Our generation lives in a bigger world than my mom's generation. We live in a world of endless choices and increasing accessibility. Want to live abroad? Ok, pick a country. Want to talk to your friends overseas all the time while you're there? Ok, choose a Skype name. Want to know the trendy news topic? Just sign in to Facebook. Now that we are so connected and borderline voyeuristic, we have much more to compare to. It's all relative. But should it be?

I'm an advocate of goals. I'm an advocate of standards. I do not believe in settling romantically, socially or professionally. But there is a difference between settling and allowing yourself to be content in your current place regardless of where others are or where you could be. 

When you come to a big decision, it's important to gather information and discern the best situation. But there is a different between choosing a path at a crossroads and constantly creating crossroads for yourself. It can be necessary to resist that urge to compare. 

Don't think about who deserves the rose. Sometimes it's necessary to just take a breath and be happy where you are.

Just go with it

So I just got back from a long weekend in Vegas, which is why this post is delayed. Now I didn’t want to write until my trip was over, because I just knew I’d have some fabulous tidbits for you when I got back. Well I’m back, so fasten your seat belts.

This was my second time to Vegas. I first learned of its awesomeness two years ago when I was 21. I instantly fell in love and could not wait to go back this time. Las Vegas is simply Disneyland for adults. I’ve met people who really don’t like Vegas—this is a fundamental difference between me and those people. This difference cannot be resolved because people who hate Vegas are people who hate fun. Sure, it’s a bit tacky. Sure, people are belligerent. But it’s also just a place where you can smile, let loose and just go with the flow.

My first day began by the pool of the MGM Grand. My sister and I floated along the lazy river; aka water pathway of dehydrated and over-intoxicated tourists buzzed with the excitement of Bachelor Party and weekend getaway festiveness. As we swam, this one guy asked every female who passed for a chest bump. My sister looked horrified. I, however, jumped out of the water and obliged. Hell yeah chest bump. Because why not? Just go with the flow. No harm, just fun. The pure silliness of it made me laugh. I felt like I was on vacation.

I went to Vegas with my family, since my dad has a business convention there this time of year. But on Saturday night, I really wanted to go out to the clubs and dance. The fam and I were walking around the Wynn hotel, I was going to hop in line by myself for XS—one of their nightclubs that I’d heard good things about. Then I saw a group of young guys just standing around. So I waltzed up to them and asked which way to XS. They pointed the way, but said they were going to Marquee at The Cosmopolitan (another club, another hotel) and would I like to come with. Why the heck not? So I kissed the fam goodbye and hopped in a cab to Marquee.

Well, we got there and the table these guys had reserved was not reserved. Yeah right for getting in without a reservation. I met these other two girls while waiting around who suggested we go back to XS. I didn’t want to leave the guys behind; I just felt bad. But after some debate they agreed to come with. We were all leaving, when some random guys sitting at the hotel bar waved at us. My new girl friend Randall stopped to say hello and the guys we were with…did not. They blew right by us and left us behind. WHAT?! Yes. That happened. But whatever, because we went with it and met nicer, cooler guys. These guys had a friend with a table at Tao.

So after some drinks and getting to know you, we walked out to get a cab. The line was just too long. The cab caller told us we were in for a half hour wait and we needed to split into TWO cabs because there were seven of us. Or…we could take a stretch limo for $60. Done and done. We piled into the limo and headed for the Venetian hotel, host of Tao night club. The driver turned up the music and we were in party heaven. When in Vegas….

We got into Tao just after 2am and hit the dance floor right away. I was SO happy. As if I needed more reason to love Vegas and Tao, LMFAO was partying at the club with us. YUP! I was dancing just a velvet rope away from Redfoo, SkyBlu and the Party Rock Crew. The music was pumping, the glow sticks were waving, and a good time was had by all. And to think it all started because I asked some random guys for directions.

Saturday night and my brush with LMFAO did not even prepare me for Sunday. The MGM Grand (the hotel I actually stayed at) hosted the Billboard Music Awards live from Las Vegas. My parents had been debating about buying tickets for us. Was it worth it? Would the arena be too huge to see anyone on the stage? Would we rather see the celebs walk the red carpet than actually watch the show?

All questions were answered when my mother discovered the art of seatfilling. For every live television broadcast, the networks hire a seatfilling service so that there is not an empty seat on the floor of a venue during the televised show. Empty seats don’t look good on camera. Turns out, they need A LOT of seatfillers. Even though you have to sign up a few months in advance, the Billboards still needed standby seatfillers. Guess who obliged? My mother, brother, sister and I stood in line from 1pm decked out in full-on nightclub attire—including fashion tape, red lipstick and five-inch heels—so that we could fill free floor seats to the Music Awards.

After staying out until 7am the previous night, I was cranky and my body hurt. But when we were sitting backstage waiting for the broadcast to start and LMFAO walked by and smiled at us, it was worth it. When Brandy stopped to say hello, “Oh girl you got all dressed up and nice for the Billboard Awards!” it was worth it. When my sister sat second row next to The Wanted it was worth it. When I saw co-host Ty Burrell one foot away, it was worth it. Not to mention, I got to witness live performances by Chris Brown, Usher, LMFAO, Katy Perry and the Stevie Wonder all from twelfth row center!!!! FREE!!! Unbelievable.

Afterwards, I felt like I was going to collapse. Despite my exhaustion, I was in Vegas so I had to just go with it.

Las Vegas is like a time warp. The rules do not apply in Vegas. The mentality of the entire city is “do what you want because here you can.” It is a city of pure enjoyment and entertainment. Now I’m not suggesting that we all just start living our lives Vegas style going wild and crazy and begin day-drinking Monday through Friday. But I will say that there is something to be said for the open-mindedness that pervades Vegas. I talked to a lot of random people by the pool—met folks everywhere from Wisconsin to Germany.  I personally felt open to experiences and people I would normally ignore in my New York reality. A dash of openness and the willingness to go with the flow, might be just enough Vegas for each of us to take wherever we go.

Every Rose has its Horn

This past weekend was awesome. As many of you may have noticed, the weather was finally fabulous and it appears we may have some sunshine in this lifetime to enjoy. Aside from the bright sunshiney days, I also basked in the brilliance of musical talent.

Saturday evening I went to Jazz at Lincoln Center to see The Music of Jelly Roll Morton as part of their New Orleans Celebration. The Marcus Roberts trio (Marcus Roberts, piano; Rodney Jordan, bass; Jason Marsalis, drums) joined forces with talented horn players (Alphonso Horne, trumpet; Ron Westray, trombone; Stephen Rile, saxophone; Richard Pascal, saxophone; Joe Goldberg, clarinet) for an evening of Jelly Roll’s famous tunes.

I sat dead center orchestra in the Rose Center theater – which, by the way, is a stunning theater—for the low, low price of $10. TEN DOLLARS! Jazz at Lincoln Center offers Hot Seats, $10 tickets for each Rose Center performance and select Allen Room performances available at the box office on the Wednesday before the show. Cheap tickets in advance! No age or student status required. This was a find, my friends.

The concert was fantastic for those of you jazz fiends out there. These instrumentalists are at the top of their game. Watching Marcus Roberts, a pianist who lost his sight at age 5, was astounding. Something like watching Ray Charles live. The sound of his piano and the horns filled that Rose Center with that old New Orleans, upbeat Dixie sound.

I felt so classy dressing up and heading to JALC, arguably a place where the more sophisticated residents of New York spend their evenings clapping respectfully and drinking $20 beverages with their pinkies up. It felt mature to join this crowd of high-society music aficionados.

But the music didn’t stop there. I tried my luck at The Book of Mormon lottery for the fifth? sixth? who’s counting anymore? time. I lost. Never have I had such terrible luck at a lottery. It could have been that there are never less than 150 people there, but still. So I decided to just deal with it and try for a Standing Room Only ticket. Now I am VERY against standing room—not the fact that it exists, but the idea of buying a SRO ticket for myself. I KNOW I am going to end up in pain from standing for so long and that it will distract me from the show. But, I was at my wit’s end. So for $27 I had a dead center orchestra SRO seat. I stood the whole show.

This experience, a little less class and a little more sass. The show is fantastic, although the reason it is selling out like mad is because of the shock value in its offensiveness towards religion, Mormonism, AIDs, female circumcision and general poverty in Africa. The humor is not necessarily my cup of tea, which is why I am not instantaneously obsessed.

It’s not that BOM doesn’t deserve a full house, but people wouldn’t be clamoring as they are if this was just a well-put together musical about the same flambouyant Mormon missionaries but they end up working in, say, England. The British aren’t that amusing to make fun of.

Andrew Rannels (Elder Price) totally deserved his Tony nom. His voice is clear as a bell. It does not sound like he has been singing that song, that high in his range, 8 times a week for over a year. Brava. The story is solid, unlike so many Broadway shows with characters you don’t feel for (see: Ghost The Musical) or haphazard books. The music is of the classic showtune variety and each song sounds like it has a place in THIS show in one unified score.

I feel like sending Casey Nicholaw (Director/Choreographer) a Valentine. I love his work and he is truly a master at classic Broadway. He allows the show and its dance numbers to be cheesy at times, but not overly so. He demands character depth from his actors.

All in all, the show is great, but it IS offensive. This time: every rose has its thorn, and for me, much of the humor in the script was the thorn on this blossom of a musical.

Lucky for me, the weekend as a whole was simply rosy. Here's hoping the week follows suit.

New York Moment: The sidewalk lottery

Bumping into celebrities = awesome. In fact, I like to bump into celebrities people don’t realize are celebrities (aka Broadway strongholds). When I start seeing Broadway folks around town, I believe that fate is back in my favor. It just makes me giddy.

A few months back. The Apple Store. Upper West Side. I plop down with my back-breaking bag—it was holding two laptops—and begin the impatient wait to be helped at the Genius Bar. Fear not geniuses! I will wait for you because I have accidentally sat down next to Joshua Henry (2011 Tony Nominee for The Scottsboro Boys, cameo role in the 1st SATC movie, currently on Broadway in Porgy & Bess). I sit trying to catch glimpses of him in my peripheral vision—I don’t want to blatently stare!

When Joshua gets up to leave, I introduce myself. I nearly start crying explaining to him how much of an impact his performance in Scottsboro Boys had on me. He is so gracious. So sweet. A total darling. He is sincerely happy I had recognized his performance, well-evidenced by his appreciative facial expression. And he stands there dressed to the nines and good-looking to boot. We talk a bit about how he likes Porgy & Bess and then he trots off leaving the Genius who had waited on him asking me “Who is that?” A star, sir. A star.

A few weeks later, I was running to yoga in the theater district and I bumped into Kerry Butler fresh off her matinee performance of Gore Vidal’s The Best Man. She was “stage-dooring it,” as my brother would say. Her baseball cap pulled low to cover her excessively stage make-uped face and her sweatshirt bundled up to her ears to keep her warm. She was on her phone so I didn’t bother her.

I’ve run by Karen Olivo (now playing Cassie on “Harry’s Law” but formerly of the Broadway stage as Anita in West Side Story and Vanessa in In The Heights), Christopher Fitzgerald (original Boq in Wicked, Igor in Young Frankenstein), Cynthia Nixon (please tell me you know that one) and so many more.

My highest profile celebrity sightings actually happened my freshman year of college on consecutive nights. My brother was in town and I was taking him to see the two Broadway shows he could not see with my parents: Avenue Q and Spring Awakening. Rachel McAdams sat a few rows away in Spring Awakening. Can I just say how simply radiant she is? Her skin is smooth like porcelain. No one was bothering her, so we didn’t either, but when we left the theater and she was just zipping down the street I couldn’t resist. We got her autograph and she was genuine and down to earth. More shocking than her quiet demeanor was that most people had no idea who she was. Hello! Mean Girls! The Notebook! Geez.

The subsequent evening Joseph and I went to Avenue Q. We walked to 42^nd Street to get on the subway and BAM! Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick and Mikhail Baryshnikov.  By the looks of their Playbills they had just seen The Pirate Queen. I lost my mind and started running after her screaming, “Miss Jessica Parker! Miss Jessica Parker” as if her middle name was actually a hyphenated last name. One of my finer moments. She did stop to sign our playbills, ducking behind her male entourage so as not to cause too much commotion. She freaked when we tried to take a photo. Note: Do not EVER try to take a photo of her if you get that close. But how nice of her to stop (and how stupid of us not to talk to Matthew and Mikhail)!

While this major sighting was clearly exciting, I actually prefer my little passingsby and casual Apple store conversations. 

Today, I ran by Amy Brenneman on 42nd Street. I love her on “Private Practice” and she was completely dressed down. You wouldn’t even recognize her. 

When these moments happen, my heart races just a bit and I get this little jolt of adrenaline. I think I react this way mostly because I realize “They’re people, too!” They’re on the subway, and at the bus stop, and chatting on their phones as they almost get run over by cabs. They dress in sweats and go out with no makeup on!! Sometimes, they’re even REALLY REALLY nice. They are thankful for fans. I like to think that celebrity spottings are like winning the sidewalk lottery—that luck must be on my side and my future fate is on the up and up.

In what other city do celebrities roam the streets like normal people? (And don’t say LA because I refuse to believe they act normal there.) New York is primed for moments like these. I just hope I keep running into them and my good luck streak stretches for a long New York moment.